he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
