proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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