I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
