can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
