My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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