You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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