We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
