good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
