I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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