I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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