we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
