return my video game
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
