you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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