I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
