If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize