i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
