I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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