I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
