I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize