Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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