if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
