i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize