they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize