It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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