there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
