I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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