She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
