I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
