Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
