Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

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(281): View more from Texas

I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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(704): View more from North Carolina

We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.

(919): View more from North Carolina

If you're joking I'm going to be sad

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(510): View more from California

Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.

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(631): View more from New York

He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

(205): View more from Alabama

I hate freshman.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.

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(734): View more from Michigan

What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

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(731): View more from Tennessee

The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.

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