just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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