Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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