Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
