i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
