Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
