yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
