Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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