i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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