I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize