Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
