who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
