Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
