just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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