man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
