just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
