I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize