i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
