We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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