When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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