As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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