dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
