i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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