I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
