The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
