Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
