the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
