I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize