i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
