Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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