Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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