I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
