i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
