He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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