you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
