Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
