I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize