just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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