What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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