Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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