You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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