her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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