This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
