My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
