I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize