Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
